Thursday, October 06, 2005
I'm pretending like I'm getting tagged by my wife's blog here because I feel like doing a little bit of writing right now, and my work sucks, and its grey and gloomy and I feel like going back to them halcyon days of yore for a minute of reminiscence. Warning: not necessarily entirely music-based. But probably partially.
THINGS I MISS FROM MY CHILDHOOD:
1. Krofft Superstars. Man, when I think childhood, two things pop into my head ABSOLUTELY FIRST -- Scooby Doo and Land of the fucking Lost, baby. Them low budget Krofft shows were my bread and butter when I was a kid -- I ate up Land of the Lost especially, being the nascent sci-fi geek I was back then. Didn't know back then it was mostly frustrated out-of-work Trek writers writing for it, nope. The quality of writing, in retrospect, was SHOCKINGLY high. The other Krofft shows weren't bad either. Well -- okay, honestly, I could never hack Sigmund the Sea Monster, though Mr. Show did a hilarious parody. But "Space Nuts?" And later on, the not-really-Kroft Shazam and Isis shows? Oh yeah. OOHHH yeah.
I've gone back and watched virtually every other show from my childhood including "Super Friends" and "Space 1999" and "Battlestar Galactica" and fuck knows what else, and they look silly and dated. But the Krofft shows? STILL LOOK FUCKIN' SURREAL and crazy today. Scooby Doo still looks killer, too, but that's all back and shit. Kroft's been lost to the ages. Sigh.
2. Lost Food Products Of The 70s. Especially GOOGLE PEANUT BUTTER (which ironically I can't google on Google!), which was a kind of flavored peanut butter (yummy) that came in chocolate and vanilla and banana or something. Wow. Yeah. And also Vanilla Wafer-flavored Cookie Crisp. Oh! And Funny Face fruit drink -- you could send away for cups in the shape of the character that represents your favorite character! And also the sadly-lost 7-Up Candy Bar, with seven little compartments each with a different flavor of gooey filling. MMMMM.
3. Disco Music And Other Great Hits Of The 70s In The Background Constantly. Just, y'know, in the background. All the time. Hearing stuff like "Love Goes (Where My Rosemary Goes)" and "Witchita Lineman" and "Suspicious Minds" and crap on AM radio and in the background at friends of the family's houses and then hearing stuff like "Stayin' Alive" and "Boogie Fever" and whatever else in the background at school or at the roller rink -- all the time. There was something about just spending time in that era that didn't permit one to avoid music.
4. Free To Be You And Me. DON'T LAUGH. You know you miss it too, if you were raised in America in the 70s. We had to see this movie at least once a year in elementary school and I'm sure I complained at the time. In retrospect, wow, it was what angry conservatives would probably refer to as "ridiculously politically correct." And yet I remember it being oddly comforting to think that I could be different and, like, y'know, like dolls and stuff (I didn't! But I could! If I wanted to!) and be okay. It wasn't true, of course, if I had actually shown an interest in dolls my friends would have CRUCIFIED ME. Possibly literally. But it was so comforting.
My friend Rik played me the theme song the other day and it actually evoked a tear or two of "where the fuck did the fucking TIME GO?"
5. Educational TV That Didn't Suck. Classic Sesame Street, babiez. It was a different show back then. Not as cutesy-cutesy. Filled with all kinds of crazy psychedelic animation and strange musical montages. And featuring, y'know, the MUPPETS. The classic, Jim Henson-and-Frank-Oz-voiced guys, with all their crazy humor and weird cynicism and insane good-naturedness in full effect. None of this "Elmo" crap, we had full on Brown Oscar The Grouch who could kill someone at a hundred feet by breathing on him. Oh, and let's not forget Electric Company, which introduced this suburban white kid to actual African-American Folks and funk music at the same time. My ears were never the same afterwards.
This here wasn't an actual record. But it coulda been.
6. 8-Bit Video Games. I agree with my wife: my life hasn't been the same since all video games switched to fucking THREE DEE. I can't handle that. My brain was raised on Pac-Man -- wait, no, MS. PAC MAN, which I can STILL whip into submission everytime I run across a machine. I can make it to the levels where they start randomly alternating the fruit. At age 35. My reflexes were so fucking good that 25 years later I can still take you. Any of you. Any time. And I'm the guy who took mushrooms and CLEARED fucking Mario 2 AND Mario 3. But if you put me in front of "SUPER CRAZY MARIO HAPPY SUN LAND 3D?" I get confused. And my brain shuts down. And I stop caring. I've tried. I've really tried to like complex video games. But give me Ms. Pac Man or a text-only Infocom game and I will be a happy camper.
7. Garanimals. Children's clothes made of synthetic materials that ALL MATCHED. You matched the alligator shirt to the alligator pants and you had a keen 1970s outfit no matter how stupid you were at matching colors. Which I was, believe me. But I still remember the SPECIFIC SMELL of the Garanimals shirts. I just loved getting a new one. I felt so crisp and clean after putting it on. There ain't a clothing feeling to compare these days.
I've frequently called Kenneth Cole "Garanimals for Adults." Clever thing he's done? He's made all the clothes grey and black. You can buy literally ANY KENNETH COLE ITEM and it matches any other Kenneth Cole item. You can look cool and trendy without ever developing a sense of fashion. Brilliant.
8. Dirt Bikes. Okay, I never had one. But I took my stupid Schwinn banana seat bike with the red glittery seat? And I bought a new dirt-bike-ish handlebar and new-dirt-bike-ish seat and dirt-bike-ish tires and -- well, the frame still weighed 10000 pounds so when I took jumps it flew like one inch in the air. But I remember the beginning of dirt bike culture -- suddenly EVERYBODY had one! -- and I wished I was part of it SO HARD. My faux-dirt-bike got laughed at plenty, but it was cool to ME.
9. 70s Chicks. My wife will tell you: I have a 70s chick fetish. I really do. I have a serious problem with the trappings of hot 70s chicks like Farah and the Angels and whoever else. When feathered hair came back a few years ago, guess who was THRILLED. When knee-high striped tube socks came back for girls, guess who freaked out? When baby T's became de rigeur a few years back, guess who fuckin' went nuts? Yup. Yup. My formative, er, experiences were all to episodes of Dukes of Hazard and Charlie's Angels and whatever else was on night-time TV at the time. What can I say? I LITERALLY CANNOT HELP IT. Those women have imprinted themselves on me.
10. School. My wife has this on her "stuff she hated" thing, I have it on my "stuff I miss" thing. I miss Elementary School particularly. Up 'till sixth grade, when I had one teacher who delighted in grabbing kids' hair and slamming their heads VERY VERY HARD onto their desk and the other teacher who loved to yank your ears REALLY HARD and slap you across the back of the head and a lunch lady who though that pulling clumps of your hair out was okay and another teacher who had a serious hygeiene problem -- yeah, that was all in ONE YEAR, it was abuse central! -- I was the fucking golden child. I started school a year early, and was the smartest kid in every class ever until that fateful 6th grade year. I blew away the competition, kids. What happened in 6th grade? Oh. Nothing. I DEVELOPED A SENSE OF CYNICISM. I suddenly went -- wait. Why am I trying so hard for these horrid people who all hate me? And I stopped caring.
THINGS I DON'T MISS FROM MY CHILDHOOD:
1. I agree with my wife, Nothing on Television: We didn't get cable until -- well, I never got cable until the mid 90s. My folks only have it now 'cause they NEED it. But when other kids were doing the MTV thing and being cool and watching "Hamburger: The Movie" on HBO, I was -- oh, probably watching Mork and Fucking Mindy for the umpty-umpth time. Especially when I got to high school it fucking SUCKED. I needed CULTURAL INPUT and got none. It was tough. I felt isolated and freakish when my friends all felt in-touch and cool.
2. Religion Overdose, That's just MY childhood, not childhood in general, but we spent a great deal of time in one of those gigantic McChurches -- okay, I'll name names, it was this one. I had closed-minded religion shoved down my throat 24-7. My folks went to adult classes 3 nights a week, I had Boys Brigade and Choir and youth ministry two or three days a week, and we went to service on Sunday morning AND on Sunday night. I probably could have told you the entire fucking text of Pilgrim's Progress from top to bottom at one point. Honestly -- it was TOO MUCH RELIGION. I'm kinda glad I know my bible so well now and have an appreciation for early church history from spending too much bored time in the church library while my folks were at coffee socials and spaghetti dinners (ALL OF THEM). But other than that? It fucking sucked. Oh yeah, I went to a religious junior high and as a result I was a fucking paraiah when I arrived at public high school totally sheltered and weird and unable to deal with the normal human interaction of a non-Jesus-y type.
I go to church now. It took literally 20 years to coax me back.
3. Abusive Teachers. I touched on it above. I had abusive teachers in elementary school. Lots of them. I don't understand how that was allowed to happen, but if you're out there, Mr. Gatzke, you were a fucking bastard. Everybody was scared of you. Lots of kids went home with bumps on their head and bruises and hunks of hair removed and the parents must've universally went "oh, that's just the way he is" and turned a blind eye. Fucking scary. Nowadays the parents woulda strung the guy up by his toenails from the front flag of the school. That's something I don't miss a bit, boy -- the non-accountability of teachers. By the way, he went to the same church above. Ironic, eh?
4. My Dad's Job. My dad worked in a bank called First Security that just literally sucked his soul out through his nostrils. It was awful. He hated it and as a result didn't make things too pleasant for me and my mom, but that's the way it was back then -- nowadays he'd have a therapist pumping him full of prozac and well-intentioned talking, and that prob'ly woulda helped a lot. Instead he just kinda was miserable and it made him kinda weird for a few years until he finally transferred. Unfortunately it coincided with the other two above items, the Jesus stuff and the teachers.
5. Yucky tasting medicine. My daughter pitches a shit-fit because she has to drink medicine -- YUMMY-TASTING GRAPE MEDICINE. I keep telling her, when WE were kids we had ONE FLAVOR OF MEDICINE -- they said it was cherry, but it tasted like DEATH, and y'all know it did. I still have that flavor emblazoned on my taste-buds and you do too. All I have to do is say "Robitussin" and you all know exactly the flavor I mean. Ouch.
6. The A-Team. You'd think if I didn't like the A-Team, it wouldn't matter, I could just, y'know, not really tune in and that'd be the end of it. Oh, no. See, at the aforementioned religious junior high we had a confluence of really crazy para-military-obsessed right-wing kids whose parents were, y'know, paramilitary-obsessed right-wing grown-ups. The entire group of 'em were in Civil Air Patrol. Which is fine and good, but they basically used it as an excuse to dress up like army guys to school every day and shove their weird right-wing agenda down our throats all day long. It consisted of talking ill of commies and faggots, mostly. I'm sure they got it from home. And part and parcel of this? WAS THAT THEY SHOVED THE FUCKING A-TEAM DOWN THE FUCKING THROATS OF THE REST OF US. God, I got so sick of it I was ready to fucking puke by the end of its run.
7. Nuclear Terror. I spent my entire childhood utterly terrified that the world was going to blow up. Remember that fucking TV movie set after a massive nuclear attack? REMEMBER IT? I can't forget it. Ever. I still live in terror. I still sleep in the FAR BED OF HOTEL ROOMS because when I was a kid I was convinced that maybe if I was farther away from the window it might make me, y'know, less likely to boil away into nothing when the bombs hit. I STILL DO THAT. When the whole anthrax scare came up, it was almost MILD compared to how fucking scared I used to be of nuclear attack.
8. My haircut. For some reason my folks thought putting me in a pudding bowl haircut would be "cute." Unfortunately, this was well after most of my friends had feathered hair. I wanted feathered hair SO BADLY. And when it finally came 'round that I could HAVE it? My hair had so many cowlicks it didn't feather at all. Bleh. I looked like a geek forever.
Ironically, when the Madchester phenomenon hit in the late 80s, I got the same pudding bowl haircut. Huh. Ha.
9. Sports, When I was a kid I had to participate in sports. A lot. A lot lot. I hated sports VERY VERY MUCH and my lack of interst and/or skill contributed to my status as outcast. Funnily enough, when I got off to college, suddenly this mattered not one fucking jot. And it literally had me considering trying to lobby for legislation to get competitive sports OUT of elementary through high school in our state. And then I, y'know, smoked another bongload and the idea got dropped, but I still think calesthenics might be a better idea for our kids. Unless you think giving them a hideous, soul-sucking, crushing sense of inferiority based solely on their ability to throw a fucking ball is a great idea.
10. Homophobia. I was the school fag from when I was old enough to qualify for the term all the way through high school. So funny -- I am not gay. I actually like chicks. A lot. I'm married to a very very lovely one, and have had a long and storied history of dating members of the opposite sex. And yet because of all of the above items, I was the school fag, and that qualified me for daily beatings. SO FUN.
So, y'know, there you go! Tag.
THINGS I MISS FROM MY CHILDHOOD:
1. Krofft Superstars. Man, when I think childhood, two things pop into my head ABSOLUTELY FIRST -- Scooby Doo and Land of the fucking Lost, baby. Them low budget Krofft shows were my bread and butter when I was a kid -- I ate up Land of the Lost especially, being the nascent sci-fi geek I was back then. Didn't know back then it was mostly frustrated out-of-work Trek writers writing for it, nope. The quality of writing, in retrospect, was SHOCKINGLY high. The other Krofft shows weren't bad either. Well -- okay, honestly, I could never hack Sigmund the Sea Monster, though Mr. Show did a hilarious parody. But "Space Nuts?" And later on, the not-really-Kroft Shazam and Isis shows? Oh yeah. OOHHH yeah.
I've gone back and watched virtually every other show from my childhood including "Super Friends" and "Space 1999" and "Battlestar Galactica" and fuck knows what else, and they look silly and dated. But the Krofft shows? STILL LOOK FUCKIN' SURREAL and crazy today. Scooby Doo still looks killer, too, but that's all back and shit. Kroft's been lost to the ages. Sigh.
2. Lost Food Products Of The 70s. Especially GOOGLE PEANUT BUTTER (which ironically I can't google on Google!), which was a kind of flavored peanut butter (yummy) that came in chocolate and vanilla and banana or something. Wow. Yeah. And also Vanilla Wafer-flavored Cookie Crisp. Oh! And Funny Face fruit drink -- you could send away for cups in the shape of the character that represents your favorite character! And also the sadly-lost 7-Up Candy Bar, with seven little compartments each with a different flavor of gooey filling. MMMMM.
3. Disco Music And Other Great Hits Of The 70s In The Background Constantly. Just, y'know, in the background. All the time. Hearing stuff like "Love Goes (Where My Rosemary Goes)" and "Witchita Lineman" and "Suspicious Minds" and crap on AM radio and in the background at friends of the family's houses and then hearing stuff like "Stayin' Alive" and "Boogie Fever" and whatever else in the background at school or at the roller rink -- all the time. There was something about just spending time in that era that didn't permit one to avoid music.
4. Free To Be You And Me. DON'T LAUGH. You know you miss it too, if you were raised in America in the 70s. We had to see this movie at least once a year in elementary school and I'm sure I complained at the time. In retrospect, wow, it was what angry conservatives would probably refer to as "ridiculously politically correct." And yet I remember it being oddly comforting to think that I could be different and, like, y'know, like dolls and stuff (I didn't! But I could! If I wanted to!) and be okay. It wasn't true, of course, if I had actually shown an interest in dolls my friends would have CRUCIFIED ME. Possibly literally. But it was so comforting.
My friend Rik played me the theme song the other day and it actually evoked a tear or two of "where the fuck did the fucking TIME GO?"
5. Educational TV That Didn't Suck. Classic Sesame Street, babiez. It was a different show back then. Not as cutesy-cutesy. Filled with all kinds of crazy psychedelic animation and strange musical montages. And featuring, y'know, the MUPPETS. The classic, Jim Henson-and-Frank-Oz-voiced guys, with all their crazy humor and weird cynicism and insane good-naturedness in full effect. None of this "Elmo" crap, we had full on Brown Oscar The Grouch who could kill someone at a hundred feet by breathing on him. Oh, and let's not forget Electric Company, which introduced this suburban white kid to actual African-American Folks and funk music at the same time. My ears were never the same afterwards.
This here wasn't an actual record. But it coulda been.
6. 8-Bit Video Games. I agree with my wife: my life hasn't been the same since all video games switched to fucking THREE DEE. I can't handle that. My brain was raised on Pac-Man -- wait, no, MS. PAC MAN, which I can STILL whip into submission everytime I run across a machine. I can make it to the levels where they start randomly alternating the fruit. At age 35. My reflexes were so fucking good that 25 years later I can still take you. Any of you. Any time. And I'm the guy who took mushrooms and CLEARED fucking Mario 2 AND Mario 3. But if you put me in front of "SUPER CRAZY MARIO HAPPY SUN LAND 3D?" I get confused. And my brain shuts down. And I stop caring. I've tried. I've really tried to like complex video games. But give me Ms. Pac Man or a text-only Infocom game and I will be a happy camper.
7. Garanimals. Children's clothes made of synthetic materials that ALL MATCHED. You matched the alligator shirt to the alligator pants and you had a keen 1970s outfit no matter how stupid you were at matching colors. Which I was, believe me. But I still remember the SPECIFIC SMELL of the Garanimals shirts. I just loved getting a new one. I felt so crisp and clean after putting it on. There ain't a clothing feeling to compare these days.
I've frequently called Kenneth Cole "Garanimals for Adults." Clever thing he's done? He's made all the clothes grey and black. You can buy literally ANY KENNETH COLE ITEM and it matches any other Kenneth Cole item. You can look cool and trendy without ever developing a sense of fashion. Brilliant.
8. Dirt Bikes. Okay, I never had one. But I took my stupid Schwinn banana seat bike with the red glittery seat? And I bought a new dirt-bike-ish handlebar and new-dirt-bike-ish seat and dirt-bike-ish tires and -- well, the frame still weighed 10000 pounds so when I took jumps it flew like one inch in the air. But I remember the beginning of dirt bike culture -- suddenly EVERYBODY had one! -- and I wished I was part of it SO HARD. My faux-dirt-bike got laughed at plenty, but it was cool to ME.
9. 70s Chicks. My wife will tell you: I have a 70s chick fetish. I really do. I have a serious problem with the trappings of hot 70s chicks like Farah and the Angels and whoever else. When feathered hair came back a few years ago, guess who was THRILLED. When knee-high striped tube socks came back for girls, guess who freaked out? When baby T's became de rigeur a few years back, guess who fuckin' went nuts? Yup. Yup. My formative, er, experiences were all to episodes of Dukes of Hazard and Charlie's Angels and whatever else was on night-time TV at the time. What can I say? I LITERALLY CANNOT HELP IT. Those women have imprinted themselves on me.
10. School. My wife has this on her "stuff she hated" thing, I have it on my "stuff I miss" thing. I miss Elementary School particularly. Up 'till sixth grade, when I had one teacher who delighted in grabbing kids' hair and slamming their heads VERY VERY HARD onto their desk and the other teacher who loved to yank your ears REALLY HARD and slap you across the back of the head and a lunch lady who though that pulling clumps of your hair out was okay and another teacher who had a serious hygeiene problem -- yeah, that was all in ONE YEAR, it was abuse central! -- I was the fucking golden child. I started school a year early, and was the smartest kid in every class ever until that fateful 6th grade year. I blew away the competition, kids. What happened in 6th grade? Oh. Nothing. I DEVELOPED A SENSE OF CYNICISM. I suddenly went -- wait. Why am I trying so hard for these horrid people who all hate me? And I stopped caring.
THINGS I DON'T MISS FROM MY CHILDHOOD:
1. I agree with my wife, Nothing on Television: We didn't get cable until -- well, I never got cable until the mid 90s. My folks only have it now 'cause they NEED it. But when other kids were doing the MTV thing and being cool and watching "Hamburger: The Movie" on HBO, I was -- oh, probably watching Mork and Fucking Mindy for the umpty-umpth time. Especially when I got to high school it fucking SUCKED. I needed CULTURAL INPUT and got none. It was tough. I felt isolated and freakish when my friends all felt in-touch and cool.
2. Religion Overdose, That's just MY childhood, not childhood in general, but we spent a great deal of time in one of those gigantic McChurches -- okay, I'll name names, it was this one. I had closed-minded religion shoved down my throat 24-7. My folks went to adult classes 3 nights a week, I had Boys Brigade and Choir and youth ministry two or three days a week, and we went to service on Sunday morning AND on Sunday night. I probably could have told you the entire fucking text of Pilgrim's Progress from top to bottom at one point. Honestly -- it was TOO MUCH RELIGION. I'm kinda glad I know my bible so well now and have an appreciation for early church history from spending too much bored time in the church library while my folks were at coffee socials and spaghetti dinners (ALL OF THEM). But other than that? It fucking sucked. Oh yeah, I went to a religious junior high and as a result I was a fucking paraiah when I arrived at public high school totally sheltered and weird and unable to deal with the normal human interaction of a non-Jesus-y type.
I go to church now. It took literally 20 years to coax me back.
3. Abusive Teachers. I touched on it above. I had abusive teachers in elementary school. Lots of them. I don't understand how that was allowed to happen, but if you're out there, Mr. Gatzke, you were a fucking bastard. Everybody was scared of you. Lots of kids went home with bumps on their head and bruises and hunks of hair removed and the parents must've universally went "oh, that's just the way he is" and turned a blind eye. Fucking scary. Nowadays the parents woulda strung the guy up by his toenails from the front flag of the school. That's something I don't miss a bit, boy -- the non-accountability of teachers. By the way, he went to the same church above. Ironic, eh?
4. My Dad's Job. My dad worked in a bank called First Security that just literally sucked his soul out through his nostrils. It was awful. He hated it and as a result didn't make things too pleasant for me and my mom, but that's the way it was back then -- nowadays he'd have a therapist pumping him full of prozac and well-intentioned talking, and that prob'ly woulda helped a lot. Instead he just kinda was miserable and it made him kinda weird for a few years until he finally transferred. Unfortunately it coincided with the other two above items, the Jesus stuff and the teachers.
5. Yucky tasting medicine. My daughter pitches a shit-fit because she has to drink medicine -- YUMMY-TASTING GRAPE MEDICINE. I keep telling her, when WE were kids we had ONE FLAVOR OF MEDICINE -- they said it was cherry, but it tasted like DEATH, and y'all know it did. I still have that flavor emblazoned on my taste-buds and you do too. All I have to do is say "Robitussin" and you all know exactly the flavor I mean. Ouch.
6. The A-Team. You'd think if I didn't like the A-Team, it wouldn't matter, I could just, y'know, not really tune in and that'd be the end of it. Oh, no. See, at the aforementioned religious junior high we had a confluence of really crazy para-military-obsessed right-wing kids whose parents were, y'know, paramilitary-obsessed right-wing grown-ups. The entire group of 'em were in Civil Air Patrol. Which is fine and good, but they basically used it as an excuse to dress up like army guys to school every day and shove their weird right-wing agenda down our throats all day long. It consisted of talking ill of commies and faggots, mostly. I'm sure they got it from home. And part and parcel of this? WAS THAT THEY SHOVED THE FUCKING A-TEAM DOWN THE FUCKING THROATS OF THE REST OF US. God, I got so sick of it I was ready to fucking puke by the end of its run.
7. Nuclear Terror. I spent my entire childhood utterly terrified that the world was going to blow up. Remember that fucking TV movie set after a massive nuclear attack? REMEMBER IT? I can't forget it. Ever. I still live in terror. I still sleep in the FAR BED OF HOTEL ROOMS because when I was a kid I was convinced that maybe if I was farther away from the window it might make me, y'know, less likely to boil away into nothing when the bombs hit. I STILL DO THAT. When the whole anthrax scare came up, it was almost MILD compared to how fucking scared I used to be of nuclear attack.
8. My haircut. For some reason my folks thought putting me in a pudding bowl haircut would be "cute." Unfortunately, this was well after most of my friends had feathered hair. I wanted feathered hair SO BADLY. And when it finally came 'round that I could HAVE it? My hair had so many cowlicks it didn't feather at all. Bleh. I looked like a geek forever.
Ironically, when the Madchester phenomenon hit in the late 80s, I got the same pudding bowl haircut. Huh. Ha.
9. Sports, When I was a kid I had to participate in sports. A lot. A lot lot. I hated sports VERY VERY MUCH and my lack of interst and/or skill contributed to my status as outcast. Funnily enough, when I got off to college, suddenly this mattered not one fucking jot. And it literally had me considering trying to lobby for legislation to get competitive sports OUT of elementary through high school in our state. And then I, y'know, smoked another bongload and the idea got dropped, but I still think calesthenics might be a better idea for our kids. Unless you think giving them a hideous, soul-sucking, crushing sense of inferiority based solely on their ability to throw a fucking ball is a great idea.
10. Homophobia. I was the school fag from when I was old enough to qualify for the term all the way through high school. So funny -- I am not gay. I actually like chicks. A lot. I'm married to a very very lovely one, and have had a long and storied history of dating members of the opposite sex. And yet because of all of the above items, I was the school fag, and that qualified me for daily beatings. SO FUN.
So, y'know, there you go! Tag.
